Saturday, November 05, 2005

~i wanna be a toy 'r' us kid!~

Hellooo All,
Hmmm highly illuminating that was Hamid, billy goats are fascinating indeed...maybe someone should market their pee if it has such a good effect on them ladies you noe.. That rubbish been said allow me to say something more related to the lil title of my blog. I have been thinking, (and yes i am capable of that tho sometimes it seems unlikely) about what a boring person i have turned out to be. Well actually it all started on Diwali Eve where i was having a very exciting time learning about the fascinating Parvovirus and decided that too much fascination is bad for my brain so i decided to take Twinkle for a walk. So we walked and walked and as we were awalking, we passed by my neighbour's house ( the one who does not like me as Hamid would know) and i saw a whole bunch of kids running around with sparklers and having so much fun, laughing, joking, whispering their lil secrets away from the prying ears of boring adults... and i was suddenly transported into a time when I was just the same. Running around, my hair all messy, usually some dribble of curry or some other on the front of my best Diwali clothes, shouting in my high pitched voice ( k i guess tt has not changed), whispering my own secrets which probably seemed like the biggest secrets in life then and looking so forward to Diwali. Its not like it meant anything significant to me, I mean all the festival of lights good over evil and what not, thats not why i looked forward so much to the day. It was celebrating and what exactly I dunno but looking back I supposed it was just celebrating the company of family and the fact that we could be so happy! And thats when i suddenly snapped out of my little daydream, into reality and realised i was looking into someone elses house, my days of being that carefree kid was long gone. My job now was to go home and continue with the Poxvirus and Rhabodvirus, not to run around in senseless joy inviting Diwali into my life. The saddest part was that it felt just like any other day to me, where did all my wide eyed wonder go to i have no idea... all that waiting and anticipating, all the sparklers, lighting the leaves of the neighbours plants on fire, throwing the sparklers down from the 25th story, moving it in all sorta zig zag movements and watching the light make me go dizzy and the best part of all... throwing the burnt sparkler into a pail of water and hearing its last moments sizzle into the air. I remembered making the solemn promise never to forget what it was like to be a kid, I remember frustrating times when grown ups never understood me or told me that "you are too young, you wont understand" and I always knew i understood everything perfectly... and i remember promising never to be boring, to find hide and seek interesting every moment of my life and to think that masak-masak was the best game ever invented, yet now, how and when it happened I am not quite sure but i cannot seem to connect with that part of me anymore and its sad. All I have are my photos and my lil diary entries that i occassionally look back and laugh at .. well I remember praying once " dear god, Please don't let me grow up, I don't wanna grow up.." but i suppose its impossible not to. If only i could still retain some of that wide eyed wonder....hmm dont get me wrong I am not saying i am matured beyond my years, am far from that i believe! Ah well my lil entry is almost over now. Have a good holiday peeps, see you guys when we get back!
luv,
Roseola
Posted by YFL :: 11:30 PM :: 0 comments

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